I ask myself these questions on a regular basis. I think it is important to hear the answer. I stop and take the time to examine where I am and then give an accurate evaluation.
Often I don't like the answer.
Some days I don't want to be close to ANYONE. I don't trust a soul. Some days I have so much to do I realize I have set up my life to be a victim. Some days I step inside an impenetrable shell to protect me from others. Some days I am lazy. Some days I am mad at my life and I want to be. Left. The. Hell. Alone. But on those occasions when I can stop, pray and ask God to open my heart, peace flows in.
I crave this peace. I crave the calm. I want to love and feel loved. I want feelings flowing freely.
Being human, and often trying to politely destroy myself, I am grateful for the seconds God has given me when I let go of the emotional debris that I collect and store. I keep trying to make TAKING A MOMENT a regular habit. One of my friends told me, "If it's not in your week, it's not in your life." I believe she speaks the truth.
Really, if I am honest, I need to do this daily.
So, I put this sentence in my brain: "When I feel a push inside my chest, I am going to sit in a chair, breathe and say a quick, honest prayer about my feelings at that moment." Then I am going to say, "God thank you for always being near. Would you help me?"