I'm a talker. When trying to make a decision, I look at my options out loud. My husband internalizes and sifts through the information in silence. When we were first married I thought he was ignoring me. Next, I thought he wasn't interested. I drove myself crazy asking, "Why doesn't he want to talk about it." Then I panicked and screamed, "You don't want to be close." I could see the hurt on his face and was confused. And I prayed that God would teach me how to be a good wife. And He did.
My husband wants me to put him second in my life (right after God) -- which I am delighted to do. He wants me to touch him and kiss him and love him -- which I eagerly do every day. He wants me to spend time with him -- which I love to do. He wants to do our life together, but not all of the time. (He makes decisions about his stuff, and he expects me to take care of myself and tell him when I need something.) He wants our home to be a place of rest and solace from the world, with great food -- which I can create gladly. How to do this came easily when I looked back to my childhood and remembered how my mother made our house a home. I simply began to mimic her and my own style emerged. And so, I communicate with him every day how much he means to me and I see confidence and comfort in his eyes.
I want a forever love. (He is committed to it.) I want a husband that lets me know what he wants. I want a husband who will listen and support me. He freely offers me his opinions and companionship. He believes in me, as I believe in him. I want to know from time to time that he loves me and likes the way I look by saying so. I want him to take over parenting when I become impatient. I want to talk about everything, but now, I give information and then back off and let him think about it, knowing he will come to me when he is ready.
Learning my husband's love language began with a prayer. God answered. He taught me how to communicate by putting my husband first. The way I approached our life changed and gave my husband what he needed and wanted. When I let go of making sure I got what I wanted, God took care of my needs. The gift I received is a loving home filled with trust. Together, we have made a peaceful place where each person is free to explore and it's OK to change. How satisfying!
by Terri Lynn Murphy, author of the Longing to be Loved Book Series on Amazon